Make An Appointment For A Happy Marriage And A Fulfilling Relationship

Steven M Cohn, PhD, LMFT
Virtual Marriage and Couples Counseling
Serving Clients Throughout Oregon
503-282-8496

Building a Happy Marriage or Relationship: Keys to Success

A happy marriage or relationship is a profound source of joy and fulfillment, yet it requires ongoing effort and commitment. Various studies and expert insights have identified key factors that contribute to lasting happiness in relationships. Here are some essential components that couples can focus on to nurture a happy, enduring partnership.

Mutual Respect

Respect in a relationship involves valuing each other's opinions, feelings, and needs. It means showing appreciation and gratitude for one another and avoiding belittling or demeaning behavior. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and author, highlights that couples who express gratitude regularly are more likely to feel positive about their relationship and each other.

Shared Goals and Values

Couples who share common goals and values are more likely to have a unified vision for their future and a happy marriage. This alignment helps in making decisions that are beneficial for the relationship and reduces potential conflicts. It is important to discuss and agree on major life decisions, such as financial planning, parenting, and lifestyle choices. Having a shared purpose strengthens the bond between partners and provides a sense of direction.

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Quality Time Together

Spending quality time together is essential for maintaining a strong connection. Engaging in shared activities and hobbies, going on dates, or simply spending time talking can strengthen the emotional bond between partners. Dr. Gary Chapman, in his book "The 5 Love Languages," emphasizes the importance of understanding and expressing love in ways that are meaningful to each partner, which often involves spending dedicated time together.

Emotional and Physical Intimacy

Intimacy is a vital component of a happy relationship. Emotional intimacy involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences, creating a deep sense of connection and trust. Physical intimacy, which includes affectionate touch, hugging, kissing, and sexual activity, is equally important. Regular expressions of affection and maintaining a satisfying sexual relationship contribute significantly to overall happiness.

Conflict Resolution Skills

Disagreements and conflicts are inevitable in any relationship. However, the way couples handle these conflicts can make a significant difference. Constructive conflict resolution involves staying calm, avoiding blame, and focusing on finding solutions rather than winning arguments. Techniques such as taking breaks during heated moments and practicing empathy can help in resolving conflicts amicably​.

Work on and Build Trust and Honesty for a Happy Marriage

Trust is foundational to any successful relationship. Building trust requires honesty, transparency, and reliability. Partners should feel confident that they can depend on each other and that their partner has their best interests at heart. Betrayals or breaches of trust can be detrimental, so it’s crucial to maintain integrity and keep commitments.

Independence and Space

While spending time together is important, maintaining a sense of independence is also crucial. Partners should support each other's individual interests and allow space for personal growth. This balance of togetherness and independence helps prevent feelings of suffocation and promotes a healthier, more dynamic relationship.

Humor and Positivity

Laughter and positivity can greatly enhance relationship satisfaction. Sharing humor and light-hearted moments helps to relieve stress and strengthen the emotional bond. Couples who can laugh together and find joy in everyday moments are more likely to experience a happy relationship​.

Effective Communication

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Couples who communicate effectively are better at resolving conflicts and understanding each other's needs and desires. Active listening—where partners fully concentrate, understand, respond, and then remember what is being said—is crucial. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, successful couples maintain a ratio of five positive interactions to every negative one, which helps in fostering a positive communication environment.

Commitment and Dedication

A strong commitment to the relationship ensures that both partners are willing to work through difficulties and invest in the relationship's growth. This dedication involves making the relationship a priority and continually seeking ways to improve and deepen the connection. Understanding that relationships require ongoing effort and being willing to put in that effort is key to long-term happiness.

Practical Steps for Building a Happy Relationship

1. Regular Check-Ins: Schedule regular times to discuss the state of the relationship, addressing any concerns and celebrating successes.
2. Couple’s Therapy: Seeking professional help can provide tools and strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts.
3. Surprise and Spontaneity: Keep the romance alive by surprising each other with thoughtful gestures and spontaneous activities.
4. Learning and Growth: Continuously learn about relationship dynamics and personal growth. Reading books, attending workshops, or taking courses together can be beneficial.
5. Healthy Boundaries: Establish and respect boundaries to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and secure in the relationship.

Conclusion

Creating a happy marriage or relationship is a multifaceted endeavor that involves commitment, effort, and the willingness to grow both individually and as a couple. By focusing on effective communication, mutual respect, shared values, quality time, intimacy, conflict resolution, trust, independence, humor, and commitment, couples can build a strong and fulfilling partnership. Each relationship is unique, and finding the right balance in these areas can help create a lasting and happy union.

References

1. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Three Rivers Press.
2. Orbuch, T. L. (2012). 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great. Delacorte Press.
3. Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2001). Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. Jossey-Bass.
4. Chapman, G. (1995). The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Northfield Publishing.
5. Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love. Tarcher Perigee.
6. Patterson, J., Williams, L., Grauf-Grounds, C., & Chamow, L. (2009). Essential Skills in Family Therapy: From the First Interview to Termination. Guilford Press.
7. Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press.
8. Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Jason Aronson.
9. Klein, S. (2006). The Science of Happiness: How Our Brains Make Us Happy--and What We Can Do to Get Happier. Marlowe & Company.
10. Schwartz, P., & Olds, J. (1991). The Lonely American: Drifting Apart in the Twenty-first Century. Beacon Press.

Steven Cohn's office is located in your living room, or on your deck, or anyplace you feel comfortable connecting virtually.

Advice About How to Create a Happy Marriage

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Steven M Cohn, PhD is honored to have been featured on CNBC.com.

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Steven M Cohn, PhD is pleased to have been featured on Koin 6 Television: "Boost In The Bedroom."

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Steven M Cohn, PhD is pleased to have been featured on both KATU.com and KATU Channel 2 Television.

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Steven M Cohn, PhD is pleased to have been featured on Oregon Live "Why Oregon's Latest Divorce Statistics May Be Divorced From Reality"

Steven M Cohn, PhD, MBA, LMFT has twice been named one of the top three marriage counselors in Portland, Oregon by the non-profit organization Three Best Rated

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